If you read this blog on a regular basis, you’ll know that I’m proud to say that I’ve never once experienced alcohol inebriation. That said, I’ve had the opportunity to to witness the effects alcohol can have on the lives of individuals (I wrote about it at some length here).  

As a result of that point, I received a number of questions from people about alcohol addiction, alcoholism and how to deal with individuals who suffer from alcoholism. 

To start, I’m honored that a number of people contacted me.  I’m sorry for the delay in posting, I’ve had a number of things that did not allow me to dedicate the proper time to this post.

Next, it is very important to point out that I am NOT a health professional in any way.  I’m simply an individual who had exposure to a number of experiences in life.  I can offer my thoughts and suggestions, but if you have an emergency situation please seek help as you deem necessary (Police/Hospital/Counselor).

The 1st question I got - How do I address alcoholism in someone I love/care for?

This is a hard one for me to answer simply because I am no in the situation and I do not know the behaviors of the person you may be speaking with.  I would suggest:

Make sure you communicate your feelings about his/her actions, but make sure you do it in a way where the person is not feeling as if they are under attack.  When confronted with an unpleasant reality, people may react negatively.  If possible, take an “intervention” approach to the subject. Have a medical professional (Counselor) available to act as a neutral party and to keep the situation under control.

Also, and this may seem obvious, but I would not address the topic with the suspected alcoholic while they are under the influence.  One is just asking for trouble when doing that.

What if the person does not believe they have a problem?

Yet another hard question to address.  The bottom line is that no one will change, no one will take steps to stop doing a destructive behavior unless they truly believe they have an issue.  If they see nothing wrong with what they are doing, why change?

In such a situation, my approach would be that you communicate exactly how the individuals drinking is impacting your life and happiness (or even safety).  As sad as it may be, but there comes a point in life where individuals need to look out for themselves. 

If an alcoholics behavior is putting your life – be it safety or wellbeing – at risk, you need to address your needs.   Try to communicate this to the person you have concern for, but if they are unwilling to listen be prepared to walk away from the relationship.  You can only help someone so much.

Ok, but what if I cannot walk away?

Find a way. Plan for a way. Take action.

If you have taken all the steps you believe possible (addressing the issues, suggesting counseling/rehab, what have you) then you need to take the steps for yourself.  You must find a way.  If you are dependent on this person for money is not an excuse to get out of the situation.  Turn to family member, get a second or third job, find a shelter that can help you…  

I know this is a stressful situation, one that options can be quite limited, but if your life is in danger – in some way – you must find a way.

Is this my fault?

No.

While Alcoholism is an illness, and one can argue that the illness is providing the impulse to drink, I believe it is ultimately the decision of the person who is drinking.  You are not forcing the individual to drink, nor are you puring the the drink down their throat, so how can you blame yourself?  

You may be thinking “why am I not good enough, why must they turn to the bottle in order to feel good”, and I could see where one would thinking in that manner, but you need to move past it.  If you cannot do so on your own, seek counseling or assistance.  Just remember that this is not about you, it’s about the other person and what they are facing.  

So, in the end…

There are countless resources available on the web – just do a quick search on Google for “alcohol treatment” and you’ll see exactly what I mean. Frank, who commented on my last post, suggested that individuals in need of help check out Recovery Connection for assistance.

Remember, I am not a professional… just giving you my opinions and thoughts.

Earlier this year my wife and I decided to consolidate all banking and brokerage functions to one institution. After evaluating a number of options and a load of doing tedious research we decided on eTrade. Our decision was driven by no ATM fees, a superior brokerage trading platform and a high rate of return on the savings account. Thus far, the banking experience has been less than satisfying.

The first annoyance was due to our unlimited ATM refunds disappearing from our account. Even though we meet the requirements of:

“for customers with an average monthly balance of $5,000 or more in either their E*TRADE® Money Market Account or Independent Checking Account or for customers who maintain a combined balance of $50,000 or more in linked E*TRADE Securities, E*TRADE Bank”

After contacting eTrade support, they claimed our account is not eligible for the ATM refund and no further explanation was given regardless of how many times I asked. Since it took a significant amount of effort to move all of our financials we came to conclusion we would eat the fees.

Our next really annoyance was tied to the deposit process. We noticed that our account balance didn’t match our deposits. No problem, we though someone bounced a check and we will simply contact that person to let them know. Well, it turns out eTrade Bank does not notify you, nor do they return the bounced check, when there is an issue with your deposit. If you submit a deposit with multiple checks, with the same value, at one time, there is no way to tell what check bounced! Calling support doesn’t help as it appears they have no ability to few the deposited checks.

At this point we are thinking long and hard about switching banks and then the big one hit – my name changed on the account. I logged into the website to check our balance when I noticed I was no long listed on the account. In my place was some woman neither of us knew or ever heard of.

Pissed, I immediately get on the phone with eTrade support to explain my problem. “Yes, we understand…it must have been an error on our side… I’ll submit a name change request to fix the problem” the support rep says. Within seconds of the phone call, I receive a confirmation for a name change request. Foolishly, I think the problem is solved. After a week of waiting my support request was canceled and I am still trying to resolve the issue.

Etrade, the brokerage, has an incredible trading platform and provides a good level of research for investors. As a bank, however, they leave a lot to be desired. If you are thinking of becoming a banking customer, think long and hard before you do so.

UPDATE: 8-28-08 10:30

An e*trade support rep who has been working on this case since this morning just called me back, they do not yet have a resolution but are working to solve.

UPDATE: 9-09-08

The e*trade rep from 8-28 NEVER called me back and never solved the issue.  I’ve attempted to resolve this three times with NO luck.  Make of this what you wil just be aware before using their services.

UPDATE: 9-25-08

It took over a month but e*Trade corrected the issue.  At this point I have major quesitons about their ability to run their business.