I just started my second attempt at a Masters. The first did not end that well for various reasons. I left the University of Chicago’s Computer Science program in the deepest valley of my fight with challenges in life. The reason wasn’t due to what I was facing or what I was dealing with, rather, the program didn’t fulfill my needs.

I did not want to program algorithms to solve world issues, I didn’t want to re-learn discrete mathematics (no matter how fun) simply to utilize the skill set for 6 months. Yes, I could have found a way, I could have pushed through at the cost of roughly $5K per class to say that I obtained my degree from the U of C but I opted not to.

Now that I feel I have life under some sense of control once again, that my focus is on the future and not mere survival, I have decided to go back to school for a Masters degree that follows my passions, my desires and hits at the core of who I am.

I will not be sharing what that is as of yet, however, I will say this. In a matter of a few short days I’ve managed to challenge myself and my beliefs on the subject I am studying in ways that I had never expected. Suddenly the conceptual framework for the subject has shifted, and as a result is providing new avenues of growth.

My undergraduate college career was unfulfilled, mainly because I wasn’t challenged and my focus was on career development, not obtaining a degree. Now that I have found a subject that allows me to experience growth and personal rejuvenation I am starting to understand how the educational system can truly be rewarding for an individual.

As I sit here thinking about life there seems to be a stream of consciousness sensation that I  cannot shake, that does not dissipate…  This overwhelming feeling does not fade into the background much like other pointless but entertaining thoughts on life.

Let me share the sensations and thoughts I am feelings in hopes of striking an emotional chord:

1) What do your dreams forecast?

Do you think of the past or do you think of the future?  If your dreams are based in what you once knew what, exactly, does that say about your current understanding of life? What does that say about your ability cope with your current reality? What does that say about your ability to grow and achieve the things you desire for life?

2) Are you paying attention?

Really.

Are you paying attention?

The world around you is changing at an alarming rate, but are you changing with it?

Are you simply living your life – the comfortable life you know – or are you taking steps to grow as a person? If a sudden and dramatic change was introduced into your world would you know what to do/how to react or would you simply continue to do what is comfortable for you?

3) Are you fulfilled as a person?

Since I asked the question, I should be the first to answer.

Me, no, I am not.

Why?

Because I am not living life to the fullest.

While I am more prepared to do so today than anytime in the last two years, I am still holding emotions and development back because of where I am in life.

Why is that?

Because I do not feel I can/have the ability to do so under my current conditions.

That does not mean I have given up on my hopes of development, on my desire to grow and better those around me, it simply means I have to understand my limits as of this moment. Once I find the opportunity to continue my grown on the scale I feel is required, I will.

What about you?

Will you?

4) If everything you knew was to be shown as false today would you be able to survive tomorrow?

This is a critical question.

While I think the socio-economic conditions facing the United States are down right scary, if not horrific,  I ask this question question due to the general reaction of those around me when faced with such a scenario.

Very few people understand or are willing to accept that the world around them is on the verge of change, dramatic change, unlike any this nation has faced before. If that happened today, if everything you thought you knew about politics and economics was show to be incorrect in a matter of hours, would you be able to understand and cope with that fact?

Take a moment and think about that… If the answer is no you may want to look at your understanding of life, how it fits into the world around you, and how you can survive if it changes with no warning.

5) Do you know who you truly are?

This question has no hidden meaning, no explanation beyond the surface…

Do you know who you are? Do you know how you would react in different situations in life and do you know where you are headed?

If not, why?

That should be enough to get it you thinking.  I hope you enjoy your evening.

Well…

I haven’t been posting as of late, if you didn’t notice.

You didn’t?

Yea, I didn’t think so.

Well, it’s because I truly haven’t had the time due to work obligations. Since the turn of the new year things have been so busy that, at the end of the day, I simply have been drained and have little to no desire to do anything… well… anything at all except tune out the world. No desire to blog, no desire to go out, or a desire to simply do email.

Life has been that busy.

It’s funny that life has been so busy because it wasn’t something that I had expected and it has taken my mind off of a number of other things (the fate of the world, my future plans, other such things). While that may be a good things for a short period of time, I need to keep the other topics of importance in the forefront as they are key to my personal growth and survival.

Anyway, regular posting will resume at some point in the near future. I suspect it will be over the weekend…

Cheers!

If you are staying at a hotel and see the following things, you may want to reconsider your stay there:

1) Paint coming off the doors and walls

2) No “stopper” in the shower

3) Plastic cups, not real glasses

4) A Zenith cathode ray tube TV

5) Some of the power outlets do not work

6) Only 4 cars in the parking lot

…tho free WiFi is available.  Weird.

Update

and 7) A shower/tub that does not drain

I felt the need to get out off the office over lunch, so I took a walk through Millennium Park this afternoon.  Making sure I did everything to enjoy the small moments, a few things – random things – made me smile.

The Jay Livingston/Ray Evans classic “Que Cera Cera” can floating out of the band shell and I found it to be very apropo for the moment

Cottonwood was showering down on Michigan avenue.  The mix of cottonwood, sun and shadows looked very picturesque.

An older couple was randomly dancing to big band music coming from the previously mentioned band shell. 

After the “enjoying the small moments” walk I decided to pick up lunch.  Well, that is when the annoyances started.  I was quickly reminded..

I don’t want to hear about your gay anal sex adventure.  I hope you enjoy it, but everyone waiting in line does not need to hear about it.

Very slow walkers need not walk shoulder to shoulder, 6 people across

If you mean to throw something out, like garbage, throw it out.  Don’t just drop it on the ground.

That’s all… I’m just saying.

Crank: High Voltage

How and why do dumb ass movies such as Crank: High Voltage ever get green-lit?  I’m dead serious on this one.  I understand there is a certain “appeal to the lowest common denominator” thing going on here but has the entertainment industry become so desperate for ideas that they have to create movies with taglines like “He was dead…But he got better”

Initially, I was worried when I saw that IMDB rates this movie as an 8.1 – especially worried seeing that Heat, a classic movie, was rated 8.2 – but that worry was alleviate when I found out the movie only pulled in 6.5M this weekend.  I now have a little more faith in the viewing public!

Rain… Rain…

The rain has been pouring all day here.  Usually, I enjoy a good rain.  Something about the sound of the water hitting the window is usually soothing…. and rather conducive to outstanding sleep.  That simply wasn’t the case today.   

I’ve actually had a rather down day today, worse than I’ve had in some time, and the rain and general mood outside hasn’t helped much either… I just with the rain would simply stop for now.

Boston Marathon

In a past life I was a runner.  I found a sense of peace in the experience.  Sure, part of me was doing the activity simply for the exercise, but running put my mind at ease at times.  About for years ago that whole thing simply changed.  One day I woke up and it simply didn’t appeal any longer.  It really didn’t do anything for me.

Well, tomorrow someone I know is running the Boston Marathon…. I wish him the best in his efforts.  I wish I had the desire or… well… ability to take on such a feat.  

The administration stated only banks in need of “exceptional” government assistance will be required to adhere to executive salary caps.  This is good news for people worried about wage setting and government dictation of corporations not in need of government assistance.  However, another fear has set in for those in fear of government intervention…Hello Talk Radio.

BILL PRESS: Yeah, I mean, look: They have a right to say that. They’ve got a right to express that. But, they should not be the only voices heard. So, is it time to bring back the Fairness Doctrine?

SENATOR DEBBIE STABENOW (D-MI): I think it’s absolutely time to pass a standard. Now, whether it’s called the Fairness Standard, whether it’s called something else — I absolutely think it’s time to be bringing accountability to the airwaves. I mean, our new president has talked rightly about accountability and transparency. You know, that we all have to step up and be responsible. And, I think in this case, there needs to be some accountability and standards put in place.

BILL PRESS: Can we count on you to push for some hearings in the United States Senate this year, to bring these owners in and hold them accountable?

SENATOR DEBBIE STABENOW (D-MI): I have already had some discussions with colleagues and, you know, I feel like that’s gonna happen. Yep. 

The Fairness Doctrine, repealed in 1987,  required broadcasters to dedicate airtime to discussing controversial matters of public interest, which included contrasting views of topics being discussed. 

For a number of years Democratic/Liberal groups have complained Republican views dominated the radio waves, and the Democratic/Liberal supporters felt as if they were being left out.  Originally, they thought “Hey, we can create a broadcasting network to compete with Right wing views” so Air American, a left-leaning broadcasting network, was established in 2004.  

By 2006 the network declared bankruptcy and was sold. While still nationally syndicated on 66 stations, down from roughly 130, ratings peak out at roughly 1.5% of the total listening audience.  Just for balance, Rush Limbaugh gets an average 4.8% of the total available listening audience.

What does this say?  “Left” or “Liberal” radio is niche market, not supported by major audiences.  Better put, it is a business failure and there is little demand for the product.  

So there is no demand, but Democratic lawmakers want to force companies to “sell” unprofitable goods?  

How is it not another step toward socialism?

On the positive side, President Obama does not support reinstating the Fairness Doctrine.  It will be interesting to see if the the President goes up against the Democratically controlled on this topic at some point in the future…

My Crap Day

Today was not a good day for me.  Yea, we have them all… but it was VERY bad.

It started late.  I just felt like crap yet again.  Whatever, it’s winter.  

As I walk into the family room I realize that my puffball of a cat, Bender, decided to remove six keys from my laptop…. and he chewed 2 of them to the point where they could no longer be used.  Great. OK, let’s get to work.

Yea, traffic.  

Really, it was all down hill from there.  I basically had to get to the point where I simply had to tune everything out and go about my day.  It was very stressful.  There were a whole list of other things included in my “crap” day but don’t really think going into it will help much…

I’m off to watch some old Southpark.

This isn’t depressed, I’m just aggravated.

Why does it seem when you work something out in your mind, and you arrive to a reasonable conclusion on something, that the universe throws you for a loop. I feel like thats god’s weird sense of humor… kinda like hanging a carrot out in front of a horse to make the horse run faster… Life is the same way, I feel.  

Really, I have no point.  I am just pissed and venting.

Yea, I didn’t.

I started the day with an outstanding breakfast with the wife at “Le Pepe”, a local eatery.  I had to itch my craving for… wait for it… chocolate chip pancakes.  For as long as I can remember, that choice of breakfast foods has been the top item on my list of favorite things.  Of course, I had a side of bacon and scrambled eggs.  

In general, I am watching both the amounts and types of foods that I am eating on a daily basis, and my weight is leveling off at right about 161, but I have lost weight in one of the most odd places – one that I had never expected – my fingers.  All of a sudden my ring is too big.  It comes off if I move my hands to quickly…   That was on side effect that I never saw coming.

I also forgot that the Super Bowl was today.  Yes, I remembered yesterday but I somehow forgot it today. Maybe this was due to my general lack of excitement for sports, but I just didn’t care about the game either.

When I was a kid, I loved sports – baseball, golf, basketball and, to some extent, football.  Today, I really can’t stand most sports.  Sure, maybe baseball, but I just can’t really get into the events.  The odd part of the equation  is that I LOVE to watch ESPN’s Sportscenter.  Go figure.

Well, time to wash up for the evening.  Then I’m going to do a bit of reading on modern architecture and “green” building methods.

Until tomorrow.

Yes, I  am up later than I had expected, but I had a good start to the weekend.  I woke up around 11:15, and after taking care of the necessities, got myself out the door and on the way.

Banking Thoughts

Even thought the banking industry is in turmoil I find it refreshing that some banks still have the ability to focus on customer satisfaction.  I walked into Citibank today to take care of a few record keeping issues and I would not have been happier – outstanding service, friendly bankers, and my issues addressed with no problems at all.  

While Citibank is in the process of dividing up their business into different operating areas, it is clear they are truly committed to keeping their account customers happy.  Based on my problems with eTrade Bank, that is not something I could ever say about them…

Jeans

I tend to not wear jeans.  When I go to the office I’m usually wearing a sport coat or a suit.  Frankly, I would prefer to wear a suit every day if I could.  Not exactly sure why, I there is something about an suit that makes me feel..  relaxed.  When I do wear jeans I am usually just running out to the store, and then it’s only for the run out.  I get home and I’ll be in shorts.

Back in 2004 I picked up a pair of Banana Republic jeans at one or the BR outlet stores in California.  I wasn’t putting much thought into it, I simply picked my size and went on my way.  Turns out they were the best jeans I ever purchased.  The cut fit me “just right” and I finally felt “comfortable” in something else than a suit.  Thinking I could duplicate the experience, I poked around Banana Republic to find another pair but I had no such luck.  

Today, however, I found another pair of jeans that just work for me at the Levi’s store in Evanston.  A good old pair of 501’s ended up doing the trick.  Everything feel into place – texture, color, and cut were exactly what I was looking for. A truly pleasant surprise!

I know the history of Levi’s, and I’ve known about the efforts they’ve taken in order to reclaim market share from Diesel  and True Religion.  Based on the product I picked up I believe they are really on their way.

Revolutionary Road

I saw Revolutionary Road today and was very impressed.  I now can officially say I am a fan of Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition, Jarhead).  Each movie he does manages to impress me, be it the use of music (or lack of) to influence the viewers emotions, the use of light or camera positioning.  Top quality.  As I was watching Revolutionary Road, however, the very first think that came to mind was “I can totally relate”.  

Actually, as I’ve faced challenges in life I’ve always looked for a way to describe how I feel.  A classic example for me tends to be “Imagine taking every single thought you’ve had over the course of a day and jam it into a single second, that’s how I feel.”  I now have the ability to point someone to this movie and say “Watch this and you’ll know”. i ‘m really not going to go into detail about the movie – at this point – as I think this is one that shouldn’t be influenced by outside sources.  Just simply go an see it.

And yes, I’m still sick

I forgot to mention…. I’m still sick.  The situation seems to be improving, the runny nose is mostly gone, as are the aches, but the sinus is still driving me nuts.  I hate that my sinus problems always last a significant time after the triggering sickness has long since left.  Ah well, it could be worse.

Well, I’m off for the evening….  until next time, keep your powder dry.