Well, I’m looking at the whole concept of what is it I want to do in life.  Yes, this is something I’ve been thinking about for some time but it seems that the subject is now getting more attention from me than previously.

Let me eliminate a few things here as I do have a job in a hard employment environment…. I do not have a bad job – it’s rather secure and it’s with a solid company – and  I do not have a bad manager – when I look at my career I feel safe saying she is the best boss I’ve had in my career – it’s simply that I am looking at the entire life asking where is it I want to go and what do I want to do.

It was suggested to me that I write my “ideal job description” in order to help focus on what my next position in life could/should be.  I’ve started writing the description, there are many more revisions and alterations that need to take place, but the entire experience is turning out to be an eye opener simply because I’m really starting to see that my choice of careers, while comfortable from an income perspective, does not really match with who and what I am as a person.

What is does match me?  Good question and one that I do not know yet, but an answer that I am starting to look at.

More to come soon…

The topic that I am continually asking myself, focusing segment of my subconscious mind on, is what do I want from life. For the last three weeks this this question has been ringing more and more in my mind. It is a daunting task, and not an answer that I expect will simply just come into mind – I don’t expect there to be an “ah ha” moment where everything falls into place and I simply just “know”, but I do seem to have the ability to clearly see the questions/options more today than I have been able to in a few months.

When looking at the question I am really asking a few things… what do I want from a career, what do I want from my friends, do I want to take certain paths in life (Executive Management, being a parent, where do live), and what can I expect from my life on a day to day basis. Today I had two things remind me of this question – talking with Friends and watching reruns of the TV show Scrubs.

First off, talking with my friends reminded me how special they are to me. See, part of my “problem” with friends is age. The majority of my friends are significantly older than I am, which makes it very, very hard to plans things with them. The last thing someone wants to do is go out to dinner if they haven’t been with the family for 12 hours. I get that, but it’s true. Not only the age, a number of them travel on a weekly basis, so now it’s a matter of purely finding time in the schedule (after their work, after their family and after their own relaxing time).

So, what do I want from my friendships?

Not much, really. Simply talking to someone once every other week or so would work for me…. get a good laugh in, share some thoughts on life. You know, simply have friendships that allow me to let part of my creative/critical thinking side of me come out. I need to work on this aspect of my life.

What about a career… what do I need and desire in this aspect of life?

I’m 31 years old and I’ve been working in IT (one form or another) for 11 years now, but what do I have to show for it? Actually, a lot. I am cognizant of the fact that my path in life has provided me with a lifestyle that is above average (no, I am not saying rich) and a career path that potentially allows me to become an executive in a company in the future, but is that what I want? I’m not sure – yet.

I understand there is a large amount of experience and that I need to gain, both personally and professionally, in order to obtain that path in life. In many ways obtaining those traits and skills would simply help me become a better person regardless of my career choices…. but I am on the “path” as of right now if I desire that lifestyle.

Knowing my advantages, if you will, I still wake up every day and think to myself “is this the course in life that I wish to take”. A large part of me wants to sake everything up, start anew. A large part of me thinks that my natural rhythm does not fit into the 9 to 5 lifestyle. At one time in the past I would have easily said I would be running my own business, but even that doesn’t seem natural to me any longer. Basically, a large part of me is saying no, this isn’t what I desire.

If it is not what I desire, what is? That is what I am continually asking… continually thinking about….and one question that I am not closer to at this point.

I have more introspection to hash out, but it won’t be this evening. It’s time for me to call it an evening. Tomorrow I’ll get to my thoughts on Do I want to be a parent/where do I want to live, and I’ll tie in how Scrubs triggered these thoughts….

Until then.

The mentality regarding careers between my grandparent’s generation and my generation is quite different.  80 years ago there wasn’t so much the option of “What do I want to do for a living?” as it was “What can I do for a living?”  Basically, the majority of people worked and shut the hell up about being unhappy.  Maybe this is due to simply having a job, or not knowing they could actually find happiness in their jobs…

Now that I am looking at my life – looking at the options my grandparents did not have – I want to utilize the freedom I have. The problem is that I do not know what I truly want.  What are my life goals? What are my personal goals? What are my career goals? I frankly don’t know. I am very much of the opinion that I want something that “fits” my personality (or the rhythm of my body); however, I do not know what that may be.

Had you asked this question of me five years ago (or anytime before) I would have easily said an entrepreneur but it seems my energy for forging my own path in business is long since past.  I also have to fact the reality that entrepreneurs tend to delusionally optimistic… which I haven’t felt in a long time.  The lack of optimism will really put the breaks on making such a change, no?

As I understand my family history, at one point early in his life, my grandfather was worried about where his next meal was going to come from, so asking such questions that I am asking now was not really in the cards for him. I have more flexibility than he ever had and I want to use my options as wisely as possible… now it’s simply a matter of figuring out what that is…

Here is a very interesting post on Burn Out and Changing Jobs… well worth a read…