Some time has passed since I’ve had anything of substance to really say here, isn’t it?

Please don’t take it as a sign of neglect, or that I have a wandering eye, because that is not the case.  I simply have been busy.

No, really, I have been beyond busy.

Truly, it’s not you… it’s me.  How busy have I been?

Well…

-    I’ve only cooked 2 dishes in the last 30 days despite my promise to force myself into doing two a week
-    I have a workload approaching 55 to 60 hours a week
-    I have a huge back log of emails that I need to reply to, dating back to 2/25
-    I have neglected to address a number of personal tasks I have wanted to do – mainly for peace of mind – simply because I don’t have the time or energy

Now, I can almost anticipate the words that are about to be pounded out on your keyboard… “Van, you need to take a break!”  While that very well may be true, things haven’t been bad at all. Yes, very stressful. Yes, things needed to take a back seat to the priorities of life, but nothing that would even resemble a bad thought or situation.

One day, my old friend, I will come back to you. I will find comfort in your inviting forum for self expression and documentation of life (in all forms).  I would like to promise you something, however, I am very aware that my time is so limited as of late that I cannot do so.

Just take a small breath and know I will return.

“It doesn’t matter where you get your inspiration, that fact that you can be inspired matters most.”

…as taught by Archer, and confirmed by Wikipedia: Hugo Boss an official supplier of uniforms for the S.S., Hitler Youth and other Nazi Party groups.

Who knew.

I found this to be very cool, and a good reminder for anyone looking to succeed at anything in life.

From Tim Tebow:

Dream – don’t let anyone tell you that you cannot accomplish your dream
Act – take action with passion, fully engage yourself
Finish Strong – make a committment and follow through

But we should finish it off with a warning from an American Great, the Father of the Federal Government, and the first Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton:

“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.”

Belief in any form can be overwhelmingly powerful, and as a matter of personal opinion I hold that it can be the strongest emotional/psychological state a person can experience. Belief has the ability to be the strongest force any person can manifest from within themselves. Once belief has manifested anything is genuinely possible for that individual.

What about faith? What about confidence? What about persistence in order to obtain something?

They are all meaningless without the fundamental foundation of belief.

If you have faith in something, say that an event will take place, you are saying – essentially – that the event will take place because you believe it to be so. If you say you have the ability to accomplish something because of confidence in your abilities to do so, you are saying you believe in your abilities to bring an end result into reality. You will not quit until you reach your goal because you desire the objective and you believe you will obtain it. If you continue to pursue a goal, if you continue to pursue a dream, if you do something – anything – in a repetitious manner expecting your actions to satisfy your desires you believe it will happen, thus you continue to do so until it does.

While we walk through life everyday simply performing tasks that we know must take place in order to keep a sense of balance or social responsibility, such as waking up on time in order to go to work and paying bills, the true motivation that keeps humanity (as a whole) moving forward is the belief that something will be rewarded to those who continue to push foward.  When broken down on an individual level it does not matter what, exactly, that is… just that something will be given in order to move forward.

Without a pay check would you go to work? Without a motivator would you get up routinely at a specific time?

No.

The belief that life (or your actions) have a point, the belief that you will be able to obtain your desires, the belief that you have the ability to fulfill your dreams, is what continues you to move you forward.  Without it what is the point?

Conversely, the same may be true. The *lack* of belief may be the strongest emotional force known to humanity.

A lack of belief transmits the viewpoint that nothing – or very little –  is possible, be it the ability to accomplish a goal or desire, simply because what one aims for is a dream.. a fantasy… and realm that is unattainable.

A lack of belief is saying that something does not deserve the time and energy. A lack of belief is saying something is unattainable or untrue.

The irony in the outline above is that  a lack of belief requires that one *believes* such a thing was unattainable; ergo the power of belief remains the most powerful force within human psychology. Be it a positive or negative the fact that one has the ability to say something will or will not happen shows just how powerful belief is.

You have the ability to do anything in this world. If you want to change society or, if you desire to change the impact of one specific situation, you have the capability to do so… if you believe you can. If you believe you have no ability to impact the situation that, too, is true.

Believe in yourself, believe in what you are capable of, and believe that something of significance can come to fruition…

…if you do anything is truly possible…

As I sit here thinking about life there seems to be a stream of consciousness sensation that I  cannot shake, that does not dissipate…  This overwhelming feeling does not fade into the background much like other pointless but entertaining thoughts on life.

Let me share the sensations and thoughts I am feelings in hopes of striking an emotional chord:

1) What do your dreams forecast?

Do you think of the past or do you think of the future?  If your dreams are based in what you once knew what, exactly, does that say about your current understanding of life? What does that say about your ability cope with your current reality? What does that say about your ability to grow and achieve the things you desire for life?

2) Are you paying attention?

Really.

Are you paying attention?

The world around you is changing at an alarming rate, but are you changing with it?

Are you simply living your life – the comfortable life you know – or are you taking steps to grow as a person? If a sudden and dramatic change was introduced into your world would you know what to do/how to react or would you simply continue to do what is comfortable for you?

3) Are you fulfilled as a person?

Since I asked the question, I should be the first to answer.

Me, no, I am not.

Why?

Because I am not living life to the fullest.

While I am more prepared to do so today than anytime in the last two years, I am still holding emotions and development back because of where I am in life.

Why is that?

Because I do not feel I can/have the ability to do so under my current conditions.

That does not mean I have given up on my hopes of development, on my desire to grow and better those around me, it simply means I have to understand my limits as of this moment. Once I find the opportunity to continue my grown on the scale I feel is required, I will.

What about you?

Will you?

4) If everything you knew was to be shown as false today would you be able to survive tomorrow?

This is a critical question.

While I think the socio-economic conditions facing the United States are down right scary, if not horrific,  I ask this question question due to the general reaction of those around me when faced with such a scenario.

Very few people understand or are willing to accept that the world around them is on the verge of change, dramatic change, unlike any this nation has faced before. If that happened today, if everything you thought you knew about politics and economics was show to be incorrect in a matter of hours, would you be able to understand and cope with that fact?

Take a moment and think about that… If the answer is no you may want to look at your understanding of life, how it fits into the world around you, and how you can survive if it changes with no warning.

5) Do you know who you truly are?

This question has no hidden meaning, no explanation beyond the surface…

Do you know who you are? Do you know how you would react in different situations in life and do you know where you are headed?

If not, why?

That should be enough to get it you thinking.  I hope you enjoy your evening.

Hmmm…  I didn’t see this one in the news the other day…

The Earth’s Magnetic North Pole is moving toward Siberia at 37 miles per year.

Aside from the outdoors folks needing to readjust their idea of what “north” is, this makes me ask several questions:

1) How does this impact the atmosphere, if at all? Will weather patterns change?

2) Does impact other things such as plate tectonics?

3) Can such a shift have any technological negatives? (translations – does this impact cell phone service)

4) Does this have any health impacts to individuals?

5) Most importantly, does this indicate – along with the weakening of the magnetic pole intensity – that a cataclysmic pole shift is underway?

I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Again, not a huge football fan but this makes no sense.

The Chicago Bears had a crap season this past year and it is the 3rd year (if I remember correctly) that the teams hasn’t made the playoffs. With that in mind, why is it the team is bringing back the underwhelming head coach Lovie Smith?

A 2PM news conference will be held today to announce his return for a 7th season… sad.

From the “didn’t see that coming” file

News reports show that freed Guantanamo detainees head to Yemen to rejoin Al Qaeda.

Hmm. Really?

Makes you wonder if this is a chicken or the egg situation.

Google to announce the ‘Nexus One’ – their own mobile phone

The smartphone market is starting to get out of control.

First it was Palm (so may years back), then Blackberry, then Apple, then T-Mobile with Google…and now Google.

I switched from the iPhone to the HTC MyTouch with Google simply because I grew tired of Apple’s crap attitude and planned obsolescence approach to their phone, and enjoy the MyTouch, but what is Google really trying to accomplish with this move?

The phone is rumored to be developed by HTC (like the MyTouch) and will run Android (like the MyTouch) and is expected to cost around $500 (like the MyTouch). See a theme here? What superior functionality will the Nexus One offer that the MyTouch does not have?

Really, why not simply get a MyTouch?

Aside from an additional revenue stream what is the long term strategy of Google here? How does this provide a positive for the consumer? To me it would make sense to stick with providing an underlying OS (Andriod) and let phone developers integrate Google into their products.

Bankruptcy Filings up by a third in the US.

Not much more to say than “Ouch” to this news.

Jerry Levin, former Time Warner CEO, said the follow on Monday…

From the Financial Times:

“I presided over the worst deal of the century, apparently, and I guess it’s time for those who are involved in companies to stand up and say: you know what, I’m solely responsible for it,” said Mr Levin. “I was in charge. I’m really very sorry about the pain and the suffering and loss that was caused. I take responsibility.”

I respect that fact that the man is standing up for his actions, bravo. It makes me wonder, however, if saying sorry for overseeing such poor business decision opens him up to legal issues. Will shareholders who lost large amounts of money start suing now that he has personally taken responsibility?

It is that time of year once again, a time where everyone reflects on the last year.  Much like last year I am using this time to highlight 12 posts, one from each month, that really resonate with me on one level or another.  There is no theme, no common string, just posts that that make me smile for some reason.

That said, I give you 12 posts for 12 months.

January - My grandfather never really had the option of asking “What do I want to do for a living?”

February - Religion, Skepticism…and the need for objectivity

March - The Psychic Paradox

April – Happiness is…

May – “We uphold our fundamental principles and values not just because we choose to, but because we swear to — not because they feel good, but because they help keep us safe”

June – Pixar, you’re a class act – Fills dying wish to see ‘Up’

July – In case you missed it…Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice take their place in the Hall of Fame.

August – The Hooded mystery called foreskin and H.I.V.

September – Is something security related brewing?

October - The economic reality we live in

November - A thought on Karma

And to end the 12 posts…

December – The Power of Love

Thank you to all of those who read the blog on a regular basis, as well as to all who gain something out of my writing (as rushed and poor as it may be at times).  I wish you the best in 2010.

Oh, yes, I am sleepy today.

No, maybe that does not fully express the anguish I feel from my lack of rest. The lack of sleep from yesterday evening has placed me in a ‘waking coma’ of sorts. Everything seems to be move very, very slowly. At times my eyes take longer to focus, and I swear that sounds seem to be “far off in the distance”.

For some reason I simply could not sleep. Yes, there were a few things on my mind but nothing out of the ordinary, nothing overly stressful but, as usual, the mind would not shut down. This became problematic or… I don’t know… right around 4AM. Immediately upon realizing the time I quickly calculated how much sleep I would have gotten if a fell asleep at that VERY moment.

That was a pipe dream as it didn’t happen.

I seem to remember looking at the clock one last time at 4:4pAM, at which point I believe my body simply waved a little flag and said “Oh, I give up” as the next think I know it was time to wake. Trust me, this whole scenario was highly disappointing and quite a de-motivating way to start the work week – regardless of how short it will be.

What is even more de-motivating than waking up with 3-ish hours of sleep knowing that you face full work day is the fact that, oh no, you cannot run home and nap. No… while napping will mean I run the risk of replaying some scary version of this story the truly de-motivating aspect to this whole maddening sleep story is the fact that, most likely, when it comes time for bed this evening – say it with me – I will not be sleepy.

How messed up is that?

So is life, just have to make the best of it. Today making the best of it means experimenting with scallops wrapped in bacon.

In the end can one really complain about that?