I think anyone and everyone who cares about health care/health coverage you need to watch this video.

Best line regarding insurance: “I have heart disease in my family… you’re cover my heart but you won’t cover my brain..”

Second: “Metal illness does not have the luxury of anonymity”

Again, MUST WATCH. Inspirational.

A research article that is to be published in the Brain Research Bulletin is making the claim four major personality types – novelty seeking, harm avoidance, reward dependence, and persistence – are directly tied to the physical structure of the brain. Researchers say the brain differences can be measured by the size of specific regions of the brain that are associated with the four personality types.

Brain scans that measure differences in volume down to an accuracy of less than one cubic millimetre found, for instance, that people defined as novelty-seeking personalities had a structurally bigger area of the brain above the eye sockets, known as the inferior part of the frontal lobe.

People with smaller volumes of tissue in this region displayed higher levels of timidity, approval-seeking behaviours and a greater tendency to seek gratification from external sources such as food or drugs, said Professor Annalena Venneri of the University of Hull.

While my days of education in the world of Psychology are years behind me, I find this quite interesting as such a finding has the ability to impact the understanding of personal development.  It also has the ability to potentially alter discussions and views on metaphysical discussion (free well and what have you).

If tissue volume plays a role in determining what personality an individual has, what else does it play into?  Does size dictate what individuals will be prone to depression?  Substance abuse?  And how does the years of nurturing, or lack of, determine what kind of an adult a child will develop into?

The problem I have with the concept of Nature being the driving force in personal development is the lack of accountability in ones actions. Say it is fact the a part of the brain with more volume controls how shy someone is, and a person is shown to have this trait via testing, they have the potential to say “I can prove to you why I am this way and why I won’t change.”  It’s almost like a crutch – I don’t want to try to change, I don’t want to put myself in different situations because it won’t work…

So, ultimately, if volume does indicate potential personality types, can the personality be modified via exposure to other personality types and, if so, does the physical structure of the brain also change?

I guess this has the potential to be a case where size does matter.

I have problems with big pharma.  It is becoming quite evident that the lack of government oversight, coupled with corporate greed, created an environment of drug pushing organizations more concerned about their bottom line than helping people. RealAge – the website that tells you how old you really are – is nothing more than a front for drug companies.

But while RealAge promotes better living through nonmedical solutions, the site makes its money by selling better living through drugs.

Pharmaceutical companies pay RealAge to compile test results of RealAge members and send them marketing messages by e-mail. The drug companies can even use RealAge answers to find people who show symptoms of a disease — and begin sending them messages about it even before the people have received a diagnosis from their doctors.

While few people would fill out a detailed questionnaire about their health and hand it over to a drug company looking for suggestions for new medications, that is essentially what RealAge is doing.

RealAge does have a privacy policy in place that states “we will share your personal data with third parties to fulfill the services that you have asked us to provide to you,” but what I would like to know is if one completely opts out of any service – beyond finding your “age” – what happens to that data?

This all seems very… suspect to me.

Almost a year of emotional and physical hell, I’ve managed to achieve some point of clarity – it wanes – but it is still there. What is scary for those who do not experience depression on any significantly level, be it in your life or have significant interaction with the conditions, you cannot even being to understand when a depress persons says “I can’t do this… I cant go out… you have to understand that, the majority of the time that person is in udder fear of the most he or she may have to deal with and how much can they put it.. If you have someone close to you that suffered from depression, know that it is not you. You may be the direction of the anger, but it’s not you.

I am at a point where I have a general idea of who I am, what I am not, and where I would like to go in my life. Much as I did not obtain in this life on my own, I look to you for help making a life during my transition. Where I want to go and what I want my life to be will not be revealed just yet, but I will be releasing my plan for my life shortly shortly.. My intent is to know where I want to go, know what pieces will be needed and what chain of events need to talke place. I will then turnto my family, friends, loved ones for their input and feedback..

For the last year, I have been slowly burning on the inside due to depression and my realization that this is who I am, this is who I’ve come. But just because this is who I am today doesn’t mean this is who I will be tomorrow or 3 years out. I REFUSE TO LET THIS BE WHO I AM 3 YEARS OUT.

I think this all started when I lost my focus on the long term, that is where I was perfect. I was a long term planner, never mind how to get there, I would put the framework in pace, I would set the goal and have those around me help fill in the blanks on the way. For some reason, that power, that essence of my being seems to have fallen apart….

Once that was lost, I really because lost as person, dealing with depression, a loss of personal confidence in my ability to a good person… no it was that I lost my will to life. The process was, essentially long and draw out, which prevented me from actually seeing it happen in place.

Now I can say what I want… having and living with a hellish experience – I truly belief I NOW have the ability to say “yes” and “no” to what I want. These changes are going to be surprising, to some, it will be painful at time, but it’s what I need to try to do in order to life the life I want .

Because, ultimately, in life in comes down to picking our way. For so long now I’ve felt as if I just didn’t care, whatever happens happens… no more…

The note will be coming shorlty.

So very interesting…

People who have a high family risk of developing depression had less brain matter on the right side of their brains on par with losses seen in Alzheimer’s disease, U.S. researchers said on Monday.

Brain scans showed a 28-percent thinning in the right cortex — the outer layer of the brain — in people who had a family history of depression compared with people who did not.

“The difference was so great that at first we almost didn’t believe it. But we checked and re-checked all of our data, and we looked for all possible alternative explanations, and still the difference was there,” said Dr. Bradley Peterson of Columbia University Medical Center and the New York State Psychiatric Institute.

Initial questions:

• Is it a thinning of the brain, as in continual, or is the condition simply an abnormality?
• Is there a way to reverse the process?
• What other conditions may this indicate?

What bothers me about this story is the very last line:

Peterson said the findings suggest medications used to treat attention problems such as stimulants might be useful in the treatment of depression in some patients.

Why is it always a turn to medication first? Anyway, interesting none the less.

For 16 years now I’ve had “sleeping issues”.  Up until the last three months I suffered from insomnia on a regular basis. When I would experience a period of insomnia I would obtain, on average, roughly four to five hours of sleep per night. 

And here is the odd thing…I found that I would function better with less sleep.  

My memory would be sharper and I would feel motivated to simply get things done. I seemed to have more energy and would feel happier in life.  Don’t get me wrong, I hated the insomnia. I’m also sure the lack of sleep had the potential to create other health issues but my big issue with insomnia was the laying wide awake, unable to shut off my mind.  

Within the last week I’ve been having sleep quality issues… but not insomnia… quality issues.

I fall asleep but keep waking up randomly during the night. Not for long, just a matter of seconds, but waking up none the less.  I cannot seem to relax my muscles.  I find that my jaw hurts because I’m clenching my teeth during the night.  My shoulders are knotted up.  And so on…  

If one looks at the time that I spent sleeping (say, from the time I would go to bed until the time the next morning) it would tally up to between 6 to 7 hours, yet the quality is absolute crap.  I mean – CRAP.  Within the last week I am simply ALWAYS tired.  At work.  Tired.  At home. Tired. Not sleepy, mind you, tired.  Warn out.  

I’m just warn out in general.  At this point I’d be happy to have insomnia again if I could have a good sleep.

At about 5:45 this morning I was in bed, kinda in a bit of a semi-sleepy daze, and I wasn’t feeling well.  I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or if I was truly feeling down.  I was aware of my emotions enough to know that I should call into work but I ignored my feelings because I wanted to push through my. 

I should have followed my instinct.

The second my eyes opened at 6:30 I was depressed.  It’s not accurate to say “depressed”, I was extremely depressed.  My emotions, my mode of thinking, and my physical manifestations all pointed to the deepest depression that I’ve experienced in a long time.  None the less, I continued moving forward with my day.

The icy road and traffic caused some tension, nothing more than I could handle, and when I arrived at my office I was slightly better than when I had woken up until my first meeting of the day.  It was that at that point my day completely changed.

Today I acted in a manner that was unfitting of a professional setting, a manner in which I was greatly unhappy with myself.  I let the actions of another “set me off”.  Essentially, I lost control of my emotions and I acted rudely with another individual.  I was highly unprofessional, highly confrontational… just straight out rude.  A manner in which I’ve never acted in a professional.

Yes, conflict is inevitable in the work setting, but there is conflict and then there is CONFLICT. I could have made my point by depending on other words, as well as being “less direct” with my criticism, but I was not.  Facts surrounding the discussion aside I was in the wrong for acting in such a manner.  

What bothers me the most about my behavior is this: I do not remember going off.  

My mind was blank – it just happened.

It was truly a surreal moment because I found myself delivering a line of criticism in an elevated voice without any preconceived knowledge or forethought as I was speaking.  My intent was not to act rudely to make my point, something just happened… the combative personality presented itself in the conversation.

What cannot figure out was the fact that I was dealing with extreme depression acted as the trigger for my reaction or and mindset, or if there was something else in play with the situation.  

Afterwards, one of my coworker who overheard the situation said that I being to hard on myself.  He was quite supportive of me and also pointed out that his actions would have been significantly harsher had he been in my situation.  I understood where he was coming from but I still fault myself for my actions.

I have never acted in such an unprofessional manner…  and that bothers me because I potentially see it as a sign/signal for other things in life. As much as I tried, that event basically set the tone for the rest of the day.  And, yes, I am extremely hard on myself, this I know…  

…I just have to remind myself to listen to my instinct.

“Mr. Watts Sr. frequently remained in the office until the very late hours, in general supervising the work and lending encouragement to the hardworking staff. One more than one occasion, Mr. Watts brought over sandwiches and hot coffee from the nearby Southern Hotel. The two senior partners were great stabilizing influences at this very trying time. Thus the organization, as well as the entire financial community and his wide circle of friends, was greatly shocked and saddened by the sudden death of Mr. Watts.”

These words have the potential to be haunting as they are from the past, the distant past – Mr. Watts Sr. killed himself Dec. 27, 1929, in what many believe was a direct response to the  massive decline in his business due to the stock market crash of that year.

Look at the news today and you will see that the case of Sewell S Watts is not an isolated incident.

German tycoon Adolf Merckle commits suicide

“The desperate situation of his companies caused by the financial crisis, the uncertainties of the last few weeks and his powerlessness to act, have broken the passionate family entrepreneur and he took his own life,” a family statement said. 

His company lost almost 600M in a single Volkswagen investment.  

Another example is Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet, a money manager manager, who potentially lost 1.4 Billion in the Madoff scandal. 

“He had been searching day and night for a way to recover the funds of his investors. … He couldn’t bear the blame game that broke out among Europeans,” a person described as close to Villehuchet told La Tribune. 

One might look at these cases and think a few different things – it’s only money… they, most likely, still have millions….  they can make it back… 

What the outside world needs to remember, however, is these individuals were not thinking rationally (or what you would consider rational).  IThey were so overwhelmed – so lost and vulnerable – they needed to find a way to end that pain and they did.

So, while I have never understood the need to take my life because money all you have to do is insert a different word (or words) and the situation can change…. Mr. X killed himself  in what many believe was a direct response to disappointment… in response to embarrassment… in response to the emotional pain… in response to loneliness… in response to helplessness…

It’s sad whenever a person decides to take his or her life, but I find even more said how people focus on the loss on the wrong thing – they believe – triggers individuals to committing suicide. It’s not the emotional suffering the person is going through, but the loss of money.

Maybe that is a coping mechanism for others that allows them to label a seemingly pointless act, but this causes the true issue to be lost in the mix. I’d be willing to be that both individuals had considered the action at some other point in their lives.

Update: 1/7/2009 7:00 PM

I am surprised, and happy, to see the press providing a different view on the suicides as of late:

Deep feelings of shame rather than material losses were probably behind the suicide of German billionaire Adolf Merckle and some other prominent casualties of the global financial crisis, according to mental health experts.

The public needed to see the other side…..

For the last week I had the strong desire to write (and write, and write) about depression and a number of things that I am going through. The posts range from introspection on who I am and where my life is going to the emotion and sensations I have been dealing with over the last few days. Each time I attempt to write, each time I sit down and put thought to paper (or Office) I simply cannot express myself properly.

The writing process starts relativity well. I begin to structure my post based on the main themes I want to touch on, I find the word that accurately describe the sensation I feel that then… it all falls apart. I cannot continue. I find my mind ends up being flooded by every single topic I want to express in regards to depression or anxiety. My structured post, the one I just established a solid framework for only moments earlier, quickly becomes an aimless mess of incomplete thoughts and disjointed views on my experience.

It almost looks like a really bad mental health MadLib.

What I find funny about my lack of ability to write about my current condition is that this is what I feel like in other aspects of my life.  I feel as if I have little to no ability to focus… I feel that my thoughts simply overwhelm me… I feel lost, adrift.  

I am not sure why this is taking place, and I have no clue as to how long it will last, but I am finding it very frustrating.

Beyond Meds and invincible summers both had this video up yesterday, and it raises some very good questions in my mind.

This video is of Dr. Peter Breggin, an American psychiatrist and author, who argues that the side effects of psychiatric medications usually outweigh the potential benefit the medications can provide. Obviously, his views go against the mainstream and can be seen as controversial by some.

Take a look…

Right off the bat, here are the questions that come to mind…

1. How do doctors say a person has a “chemical imbalance” if there is no way to test/measure for it before taking a medication?
2. Animal testing shows that drugs can change the brain chemistry, who is to say that the new chemistry is “right”?
3. Is depression, or “feeling hopeless about life”, simply a psychological or spiritual issue?
4. Do people who come off of antidepressants feel bad because off the depression or because of withdrawal because of the medication?
5. Can depression simply be solved by “finding the courage” to live?

As I see it, “depression”, just like any other behavior, is primarily caused by thoughts, by a person’s mind(set), which in it’s turn again is the result of this person’s life experience and conditioning.

Now. the question is whether you are your thoughts, or your mind, i.e. whether you are what the world has made you be. Or whether the true you maybe is something completely different from and far beyond that.