The topic that I am continually asking myself, focusing segment of my subconscious mind on, is what do I want from life. For the last three weeks this this question has been ringing more and more in my mind. It is a daunting task, and not an answer that I expect will simply just come into mind – I don’t expect there to be an “ah ha” moment where everything falls into place and I simply just “know”, but I do seem to have the ability to clearly see the questions/options more today than I have been able to in a few months.
When looking at the question I am really asking a few things… what do I want from a career, what do I want from my friends, do I want to take certain paths in life (Executive Management, being a parent, where do live), and what can I expect from my life on a day to day basis. Today I had two things remind me of this question – talking with Friends and watching reruns of the TV show Scrubs.
First off, talking with my friends reminded me how special they are to me. See, part of my “problem” with friends is age. The majority of my friends are significantly older than I am, which makes it very, very hard to plans things with them. The last thing someone wants to do is go out to dinner if they haven’t been with the family for 12 hours. I get that, but it’s true. Not only the age, a number of them travel on a weekly basis, so now it’s a matter of purely finding time in the schedule (after their work, after their family and after their own relaxing time).
So, what do I want from my friendships?
Not much, really. Simply talking to someone once every other week or so would work for me…. get a good laugh in, share some thoughts on life. You know, simply have friendships that allow me to let part of my creative/critical thinking side of me come out. I need to work on this aspect of my life.
What about a career… what do I need and desire in this aspect of life?
I’m 31 years old and I’ve been working in IT (one form or another) for 11 years now, but what do I have to show for it? Actually, a lot. I am cognizant of the fact that my path in life has provided me with a lifestyle that is above average (no, I am not saying rich) and a career path that potentially allows me to become an executive in a company in the future, but is that what I want? I’m not sure – yet.
I understand there is a large amount of experience and that I need to gain, both personally and professionally, in order to obtain that path in life. In many ways obtaining those traits and skills would simply help me become a better person regardless of my career choices…. but I am on the “path” as of right now if I desire that lifestyle.
Knowing my advantages, if you will, I still wake up every day and think to myself “is this the course in life that I wish to take”. A large part of me wants to sake everything up, start anew. A large part of me thinks that my natural rhythm does not fit into the 9 to 5 lifestyle. At one time in the past I would have easily said I would be running my own business, but even that doesn’t seem natural to me any longer. Basically, a large part of me is saying no, this isn’t what I desire.
If it is not what I desire, what is? That is what I am continually asking… continually thinking about….and one question that I am not closer to at this point.
I have more introspection to hash out, but it won’t be this evening. It’s time for me to call it an evening. Tomorrow I’ll get to my thoughts on Do I want to be a parent/where do I want to live, and I’ll tie in how Scrubs triggered these thoughts….
Until then.
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