Jan
27
Posted (Van Santos) in Introspection on January-27-2009

The topic that I am continually asking myself, focusing segment of my subconscious mind on, is what do I want from life. For the last three weeks this this question has been ringing more and more in my mind. It is a daunting task, and not an answer that I expect will simply just come into mind – I don’t expect there to be an “ah ha” moment where everything falls into place and I simply just “know”, but I do seem to have the ability to clearly see the questions/options more today than I have been able to in a few months.

When looking at the question I am really asking a few things… what do I want from a career, what do I want from my friends, do I want to take certain paths in life (Executive Management, being a parent, where do live), and what can I expect from my life on a day to day basis. Today I had two things remind me of this question – talking with Friends and watching reruns of the TV show Scrubs.

First off, talking with my friends reminded me how special they are to me. See, part of my “problem” with friends is age. The majority of my friends are significantly older than I am, which makes it very, very hard to plans things with them. The last thing someone wants to do is go out to dinner if they haven’t been with the family for 12 hours. I get that, but it’s true. Not only the age, a number of them travel on a weekly basis, so now it’s a matter of purely finding time in the schedule (after their work, after their family and after their own relaxing time).

So, what do I want from my friendships?

Not much, really. Simply talking to someone once every other week or so would work for me…. get a good laugh in, share some thoughts on life. You know, simply have friendships that allow me to let part of my creative/critical thinking side of me come out. I need to work on this aspect of my life.

What about a career… what do I need and desire in this aspect of life?

I’m 31 years old and I’ve been working in IT (one form or another) for 11 years now, but what do I have to show for it? Actually, a lot. I am cognizant of the fact that my path in life has provided me with a lifestyle that is above average (no, I am not saying rich) and a career path that potentially allows me to become an executive in a company in the future, but is that what I want? I’m not sure – yet.

I understand there is a large amount of experience and that I need to gain, both personally and professionally, in order to obtain that path in life. In many ways obtaining those traits and skills would simply help me become a better person regardless of my career choices…. but I am on the “path” as of right now if I desire that lifestyle.

Knowing my advantages, if you will, I still wake up every day and think to myself “is this the course in life that I wish to take”. A large part of me wants to sake everything up, start anew. A large part of me thinks that my natural rhythm does not fit into the 9 to 5 lifestyle. At one time in the past I would have easily said I would be running my own business, but even that doesn’t seem natural to me any longer. Basically, a large part of me is saying no, this isn’t what I desire.

If it is not what I desire, what is? That is what I am continually asking… continually thinking about….and one question that I am not closer to at this point.

I have more introspection to hash out, but it won’t be this evening. It’s time for me to call it an evening. Tomorrow I’ll get to my thoughts on Do I want to be a parent/where do I want to live, and I’ll tie in how Scrubs triggered these thoughts….

Until then.

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Comments:
Bheeshmar on January 28th, 2009 at 9:24 am #

Perhaps you are being too rational about this, bro. It is a tendency of the “left-brained” to dwell on logical inconsistencies and to find rationalizations for desires. I find that desire is pretty irrational, and so you may want to try to open yourself up to your “right-brain” more to see the big picture. I’m not saying you aren’t creative or anything, just that obsessing over logic and planning is going to lead to depression. Try to broaden your field of view and see where you fit in the flow of the world as you perceive it, and maybe it won’t be so sad.

Van Santos on January 28th, 2009 at 9:38 am #

The funny thing is I’m not looking at this is that I’m not sad (or depressed) when looking at this question. I actually wrote this in a good mood. =)

Nor is it that I am trying to use logic, per se, it’s trying to balance the desire of life vs. the logic of life. Like you said, it’s figuring out where I fit in the flow of the world… starting with am I even in the right flow.

For example, I know that I cannot walk away from life and go sell home made jewelry on the beaches of Brazil and still expect to have any comfort in life. That said, I also am figuring out what does work for me.

Marian on January 28th, 2009 at 7:01 pm #

After I recently listened to that Madness Radio interview with Derrick Jensen again, I wrote a couple of posts for my Danish blog about this inner split I often feel, and that I also see in the world, between what would be natural, the flow, and our culture, that, as I see it, hasn’t only moved (us) quite far away from nature, but actually fights everything natural. It’s like you can’t follow your human nature and be civilized at the same time. At least I find it rather painful whenever I feel I’m expected to suppress my human nature in order to be civilized. So, if, one fine day, I disappear, I’m probably off for a mountain top in the Himalaya, or something like that…

Van Santos on January 28th, 2009 at 7:06 pm #

@Marian

See… the thing is that if I do follow my inner flow, I would be gone (while not in the Himalayas) but gone from where I am now. But the thing I face is that my flow changes, it seems, twice a year…

Thanks for the interview w/ D. Jensen, btw!

V

Wandering Coyote on January 28th, 2009 at 9:52 pm #

I have similar issues with friends. I have friends here where I live, but they’re all moms and have busy lives, families, and careers. It is a bitch when it comes to scheduling a lunch date. It makes me feel really left out at times…

Van Santos on January 28th, 2009 at 10:19 pm #

@WC

For me it’s a disconnected feeling – not so much left out. It’s a real bitch to schedule anything, especially with more than one person.

Gianna on January 30th, 2009 at 12:06 am #

hi Van!
you sound like me the entire time I had a 9 – 5 job…I’ll never work like that again…

I don’t believe human beings are cut out for that lifestyle period.

On the other hand some seem to do okay…

it’s hard to give up something you’ve invested a lot of yourself into regardless as well…I had a bit of a crisis when I stopped working that sort of schedule…lost my sense of identity for a while…

it’s a hard fast moving river in this society and it’s hard to get out sometime.

Van Santos on January 31st, 2009 at 10:24 pm #

@Gianna

So, let me ask you this – how does one manage to remove themselves from that fast moving river without making life more difficult?

I’m all for suggestions!

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