great question. having dealt with depression I have learned to look at it as a journey. It is like an addiction which will change your behavior. Once you accept you have a problem and antidpressants (and hopefully therapy) are a solution you will go through a transformation. Remember you got sick, you probablywerent yourself for a long time, and now you are trying to recover. But beware the old you may never reappear, through this journey a new and better you may reappear someday. You are not a machine that stays the same, that is why we humans can never be replaced – we are always evolving and changing and improving. Here’s to new beginnings.

This is a great topic, and one that is pretty common from what my experience has been.

It’s a tough thing to wrap your mind around, too.

I think the person I am without medication is just functionally impaired, so detached, so low that I cannot fathom that existence at all. The meds help me be the person I want to be, that I am. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot be in this world as a depressed person not on meds. I don’t feel inhibited or less creative on meds.

But this is just me. What you have described in your post is something very common. Everyone has to come to their own conclusions and make their own decisions.

@John – Thanks for the perspective… You are right, the old may never reappear, and that is what I am starting to come to terms with.

@WC – I’m starting to think that I’m rather impaired even with the meds, and I don’t want take the next option for medication (don’t care for the side effects)….

I guess, what I don’t know, if how impaired am I with an without? I mean, they both feel exactly alike these days.

As I see it, “depression”, just like any other behavior, is primarily caused by thoughts, by a person’s mind(set), which in it’s turn again is the result of this person’s life experience and conditioning.

Now. the question is whether you are your thoughts, or your mind, i.e. whether you are what the world has made you be. Or whether the true you maybe is something completely different from and far beyond that.

@Marian

Ah, such a good question – and that is one I have really, really started to ask myself in the last two weeks

What if I am not who I think I am, that is to say – what if I am not living the life that is meant for “me” and the result is the depression.

Emotional suffering is always a wake-up call. No matter in what shape it comes.

In eastern philosophy you have the concept of the false ego-identification. “I’m just your average former IT developer who (etc.)” is an example of a false ego-identification. So is “I’m ADD”, or “I’m depressed”. Even “I’m Van” is. Those are words, labels, used to delimit oneself from others. “Delimit” like in “alienate” like in “alone” like in “lonely” like in “suffering”…

Labels, words, language, can be useful. Let’s face it: the world wouldn’t go round without, and if someone asked you your name and you answered: “I haven’t got any (because I don’t need any)”, you’d be at serious risk to be regarded out of your mind (it’s the mind that needs all those labels), and put away. It’s what people do, who say: “I’m Jesus.” (“Jesus” here functions as a symbol for “life”. And these people are bang on: You don’t have a life. You are life. When a “mad” person says they’re Jesus, it isn’t a false ego-identification. It’s the truth.)

Well, what you can do though, without getting locked up, is to try and become aware that all the labels are just a tool to navigate the world. They are something you have in your possession. They are not who or what you are. As long as you believe, that you are your thoughts (about yourself), i.e. your mind, your mind will (ab-)use you. You will remain the slave of your mind. – BTW, that sounds rather depressing to me – While the real you should be – and, believe me, it can be – the master of the mind.

To answer the question in the title of this post: Yes. All psychoactive substances suppress or distort consciousness, i.e. the real you. Jane at Bipolar Recovery has made a great video on the matter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiRvnfrs8UM

@Marian

So what you are really talking about is separating the ego from the self, correct?

(I haven’t had a chance to watch Jane’s video yet)

I understand that once you label something that thing becomes an “It” and that is how people see “it” but how does you separate the label from the person?

Let’s take my example – “I’m just your average former IT developer who (etc.)” When I wrote that I wasn’t trying to delimit myself from others – actually, I was trying to show that I am just like everyone else.

How would one go about that?

I agree, the master of the mind is the way it should be – I’m really starting to realize that.

Well, usually, when somebody asks you who you are, you tell them at least your name, depending on who asks and what the situation is, you maybe also tell them about your job – like “I’m an IT developer – your family – “I’m married, have two kids” something – and other personal stuff – “I’m a passionate golfer” whatever. And, yes, often that makes you a member of a certain group, in this case married IT developers with two kids who like to play golf. But it also delimites you from everybody who is not an IT developer, married, playing golf, and has two kids. As soon as you say more than “I am” whatever you add to the “I am” delimits you from others. All life on earth is. But not all life on earth is married. See what I mean? The ego needs limits. And it wants to be special. If this wasn’t so, our world economy would go down the drain. A huge percentage of all consumer goods are only and solely bought, because the ads promise you – or your ego – specialness if you buy this product. And people raise to the bite. Their egos do.

If now you identify with the labels you either have put on yourself, or that others have given you (like a diagnosis is given to you by a professional), if you identify with the things you buy and own, you limit who you really are to those labels and things. And you limit your being to what you have. The ego loves that. But the problem is, that the ego never is satisfied. You will spend your life chasing the “Holy Grail”, looking for it everywhere. In a new car, a new outfit, maybe a new diagnosis, a new job, or a new wife… But you’ll never find it. Because it isn’t out there, somewhere. It isn’t even in your mind, your thoughts. It is right there though. No need to chase anything. You only need to become aware of that you are – not this or that, but simply that you are. Consciousness.

Have you read the Tao? Or Eckhart Tolle? His books, especially A New Earth, are good to start with. “Spirituality 101″, you might say. There are also a number of clips from his talks on YouTube. This is one of my favorites.

What you can try is find something that you like to look at. Plants are good. A tree for instance. Try to look at it and see it. Without labelling it in your mind “This is an oak tree”, “This is a tall tree”, not even “This is a tree”. If you manage to see without labelling, something will happen: you’ll feel one with the tree. Because the tree is in your consciousness, and you are this consciousness. You can also try to do this with your thoughts and feelings. See them, without labelling them “This is a good/bad thought”, “This is a good/bad feeling”. That’s what meditation is all about. Seeing, being aware, without labelling.

A Happy New Year to you!

Hi Marian,

I have read Tao, but not Eckhart Tolle.

The concepts we are talking about, that we are talking about, are concepts that I am / have been really starting to look into within the last month. I guess it was somewhat of an awakening and this conversation has been showing me that…

I hope you have a great new year.