For the last few days I’ve actually felt more like myself – since Thursday to be exact. The irony is such clam, and a bit of clarity, has shown up in a highly stressful time due to medical issues in the family.
But I actually do feel like me.
As with past experiences, the renewed clarity has me looking at life – at my life – asking what is it I want. If depression is forever part of my life, what do I want my life to look like?
One feeling that has consistently appeared is that I need to simplify my life. I am not 100% sure what this feeling means, or how it would be implemented, but I have the desire to simplify.
Another thought that is heightened during an given episode is to find a lifestyle that fits who I am – my natural body patterns, my natural “clock” as it were – as I believe trying to peg myself into a hole that doesn’t fit me.
Finally, I just want to be happy…my issue is that it has been so long, so very long, since I could say that I’m truly happy with myself, I’m not sure that I can identify what makes me happy any longer.
A lot of work, yes… but I am in a place, right now, where I ask those questions. A place where I also have the ability to begin addressing…That is until I no longer am.
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