Connecting with an individual who has depression can be extremely difficult especially if you have never experienced depression. If you have no understanding or point of reference, it is truly impossible for you to understand the emotions a depressed individual is feeling. You may be able to empathize, you may be able to feel sorrow, but you will never truly understand.
One urge I commonly see and experience with depression, or anxiety, is the need to be alone simply to focus on the experience that is at hand. What you, as a person not experiencing depression, need to understand is that “alone” means exactly that – alone. No contact with anyone or anything.
We may not want to be around people, let alone talk to another human being. It can get so intense that occupying in the same room or house could be an issue for someone going through a depressive episode. This also extends to other things as well. Pets or animals may become a significant distraction. Sounds, such as music or TV, may also become so bothersome that the ability to focus is significantly impaired.
What you need to understand is this need to be alone has nothing to do with you; this is all about the person who is experiencing depression. As I recently discussed in a posting, it can be seen as a selfish act, and in many ways it is. Trust me when I say “We are sorry” because that is not our intent. A depressed person is not trying to be hurtful or antisocial, we are simply trying to protect ourselves – emotionally protect ourselves.
When the depressive episode sets in, one thing the person experiencing the episode may not be able to do in the beginning is communicate to you exactly why they need to be alone – we simply need to be. This is something I need to work on myself because I know I hurt those around me when I simply cut them off, but please understand that our ability to think in terms “global” may be impaired when the initial experience sets in.
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