I would sit there with my eyes wide open, nothing but the dark to keep me company. No matter what I tried my ability to easy my mind was non-existent, my thoughts continued to race for no reason whatsoever.
Did I follow-up on my emails from work? Wow, it would be nice to have sea food right now? I wonder what the next BMW 7 Series will look like. I have to remember to call my aunt to wish her a happy anniversary. I don’t want to be here. Why won’t my mind shut down? What is the weather supposed to be like tomorrow?
Alert and aware of every thought, every emotion, the possibility of getting rest seemed remote so I decided to change my focus. “Let’s get out of bed and watch some TV” I thought to myself in a desperate attempt to find an activity that would allow me some peace of mind. What better than a “pointless” activity?
Tumble out of bed; turn the lights on low, so as to promote the notion of rest, I find myself watching cartoons – nothing intellectually stimulating in the slightest. After roughly an hour, no almost two, I begin to feel the need to sleep weighing on my eyes. Turn off the TV, flick off the lights and walk into the bedroom to put my head down on the pillow.
This time my mind is void of anything meaningful. No thoughts running ramped or dominant emotions trying to make themselves known, just a blank slate. Truly nothing.
I sit there with my eyes wide open, nothing but the dark to keep me company…. And still, I could not sleep.
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